Friday, 19 December 2014 16:13

Uncle George's Christmas Fruitcakes

My Uncle George was the closest thing I had to a grandfather. 

He was the oldest son in my mother’s family of ten children. 

Uncle George taught me that nothing was sacrosanct.

Uncle George never met a rule he did not want to break. 
My dad had an advertising specialty company. 

Dad sold “schotskies”…key chains, calendars, plastic things to scrape snow off your windshield… and fruitcakes to give away at Christmas. 

Dad got a heck of a price on fruitcakes, so all of our relatives got fruitcakes at Christmas. 

My maternal grandmother had her ten kids, married, and about forty grandchildren. Then there was dad’s side. Ten more kids. Forty grandchildren.

Irish Catholics. Propagation of the faith. That’s a lot of fruitcakes.
Dad would deliver fruitcakes to all those relatives. They would pretend to be grateful.

Uncle George would then drive around and gather up all the fruitcakes dad sent to the relatives.

Uncle George would open the tins and then he would pour rum into the tins so the cake was completely submerged.

After letting the cakes sit for a couple of days George strained the rum into jars. 

Uncle George called the rum in the jars  “George’s Christmas Rum”.
Uncle George then delivered all the fruitcakes back to the relatives as his Christmas gifts. 

Everyone welcomed him in from the cold, shared a little nip of  “George’s Christmas Rum” from the jars, and thought the cakes vastly improved. 

The world was a better place.

Uncle George did most of his best and most diabolical work and all of his fruitcakes out in a fish shack near the dock in his back yard that he called his “office”. 

One year he topped off the cakes with 151 proof rum instead of his regular “navy dark”. 

He went out to check on the cakes, lit a cigar, and blew himself out of the shed.

The cakes were a little smoky that year. Everyone hailed it as a great innovation.

I miss my Uncle George…especially this time of year.

Every time I hate fruitcake I miss my Uncle George a little more.


Beach Bistro Gift Certificates

Hate sending fruitcakes or going to malls this weekend…? 

Don’t ….

Beach Bistro gift certificates can get to your loved ones in under thirty hours when ordered from our website at…

…or we can e-mail one instantaneously.

…or call us @ 941-778-6444 

….or e-mail us at …contact@beach

We will also hand deliver certificates on Anna Maria Island for children that are particularly naughty until 9:00 PM on Christmas Eve.

Stay home. 

Eat Fruitcake and watch football.

Send the gift of Christmas mirth. 



Big Christmas Free Gift Certificate Contest

Write us why you hate going to malls at Christmas.

We will pick the best three and e-mail them a gift certificate for $150.

Judgements will be arbitrary. 

Really long descriptions will be rewarded or lost. 



About the Beach Bistro: For nearly three decades, the Beach Bistro has consistently been awarded the highest ZAGAT scores in the state of Florida for “best food” and has been honored with inclusion in ZAGAT’s “Top Restaurants in America.” The Bistro also boasts a long-standing Wine Spectator Award and is enthroned in Florida Trend’s Golden Spoon Hall of Fame. Beach Bistro is located at 6600 Gulf Dr., Holmes Beach, 941-778-6444,

Last modified on Friday, 19 December 2014 16:35